Orgasm control is an erotic, intimate type of dominance and submission that allows one partner to control the other's orgasm, either by withholding it or allowing it to occur only at certain times or in specific ways. People often consider orgasm control part of BDSM or kink play because it gives the partner who controls the orgasm (the dominant) a feeling of power and dominance over the other person while providing intense sexual pleasure to both partners time.
There are many ways to prevent orgasm, and these can change depending on whether you're in a BDSM scene or doing it between two partners as part of your everyday sex life. If you're interested in exploring the world of orgasm control, here are some ways to get started.
An Introduction to Orgasm Control
In many different ways, people practice orgasm control. Many see it as a kind of sexual kink, while others see it as a way to build trust between partners or help couples work through control and power issues. With orgasm control, the controlling partner sets a limit on how often, when, and under what circumstances the submissive partner may have an orgasm or receive sexual pleasure from any source other than their dominant.
BDSM orgasm control, orgasm denial, or edging, is where the dominant partner keeps the submissive partner on the brink of orgasm over and over again until the dominant partner decides to let them come or they can no longer take it. Then, climax in whatever way they see fit--it is an integral part of BDSM kink play that gives the dominant partner more power and control during sex play, whether in the form of erotic spanking or other types of sexual play, such as bondage and discipline. Understanding how to orgasm control and using it in your sex life will enhance your overall sexual experience with your partner, making you feel more connected and close to each other than ever before!
Why Would You Want to Practice Orgasm Control?
As soon as you mention it, you can tell people get a little bit uncomfortable. They don't quite know what to say, and they tend to just avoid eye contact. That's ok, though, because that's precisely why you should practice orgasm control. It forces you to confront your fears and insecurities head-on. When we hide our kinks from others, we mask those very same things within ourselves. Instead of worrying about how other people will react when you bring up your kink, focus on confronting your discomfort with it and learn how to accept yourself for who you are (kink included). The more comfortable you become, the less likely others will be able to unnerve or intimidate you. There are many different ways to achieve orgasm control through BDSM play. Furthermore, toys are best used during orgasm control play.
Which Types Of Sexual Play Involve Orgasm Control?
This can be done in several ways, and there are two main types: physical stimulation and psychological restraint. Physical stimulation involves any kind of play where you stimulate your partner to orgasm but then either decrease or cease stimulation just before they climax. Psychological restraint involves forcing them to hold off on their own (some people can do that with great difficulty) as you manipulate their thoughts and actions, so they come very close to climaxing but don't quite get there.
Both types of orgasm control should be consensually agreed upon by both partners in advance, although they can also be used non-consensually if desired—but only ever by experienced dominants. Note that when we refer to forced orgasms here, we mean those coerced via various means against someone's will; using BDSM techniques during consensual sex isn't considered forced orgasm unless one partner forces physically upon another without permission or consent.
Both men and women can experience forced orgasms—and both men and women can experience physical arousal without having an orgasm at all! For example, if a male experiences prostate stimulation during anal sex, he may have an involuntary ejaculation despite not having had an orgasm because his body was aroused enough by his arousal level.
The Different Aspects of BDSM Female Orgasm Denial
For me, bondage and orgasm control are two of the most fulfilling and rewarding aspects of kink. The thought of being helpless while I'm teased mercilessly until I can't stand it anymore is exhilarating. There's more to it than that--being denied an orgasm actually keeps my mind in a heightened state as well. For example, if I've been naughty, my Dom might make me beg for permission to cum while he teases me mercilessly with a vibrator over his lap. Perhaps I'm tied down in an uncomfortable position while he tickles me unmercifully; maybe he locks my wrists together behind my back with handcuffs (or something more extreme) so that I can't stop him from bringing me to an incredible orgasm... or stopping myself from coming!
It all depends on our mood at the time, but one thing remains constant--orgasm denial always ends with a powerful climax. And even though you may be kept on your toes during your session by doing something you don't normally do, keep in mind that anything goes when it comes to orgasm denial. It could be as simple as denying you orgasm after intercourse or touching yourself without permission--whatever tickles your fancy, really!
Common Sex Myths About Orgasm Control That Prevent People From Trying It
Myth #1: An orgasm can ruin a man.
A man will ejaculate if he has an orgasm. If you've heard that having an orgasm can destroy a man, then you may have been tempted to avoid experimenting with forced orgasm control and orgasm denial because of it. However, according to renowned psychologist Paul Joannides, Ph.D., Director of The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California (and author of The Guide to Getting It On), an individual male's feelings about his sexual partner are typically more important than whether or not he has reached climax when considering sexual satisfaction (Joannides, 2004).
Myth #2: A woman will lose all control over her mind and body during an intense female orgasm.
While she's coming, she is uncontrollable, so a sex toy operator has no choice but to give her an orgasm. There's no point in resisting—the sex toy controls her pleasure entirely. Don't fall for these lies! As anyone who practices BDSM knows, female orgasms aren't like wild horses running free; they're controlled by skilled masters at every step of the way—which is precisely what makes them so incredibly hot!
Myth #3: Having one hundred orgasms is dangerous for women.
In fact, some doctors believe that too much of anything can be harmful—even healthful activities like exercise and eating vegetables!
How to Practice in a Nonintimidating Way
Practice using handcuffs or a blindfold, maybe even try spanking. There are many ways to get started in BDSM and learn what you like and don't like while still being safe and having fun! Once you've gotten some practice under your belt, you can decide if it's something that you would enjoy adding to your sexual repertoire. Another great way to take your first steps into orgasm control is by reading erotic stories online. These usually contain step-by-step guides explaining how things work, but they can also be a good starting point for starting kinksters who have never tried orgasm control before. For many people, kink means adventure, self-exploration, and trying new things--and some people take that concept very seriously.
It's not just about control. It's about play, too. Role-playing is one of many aspects that appeal to kinksters who practice BDSM orgasm control and orgasm denial in their lovemaking sessions. If done correctly and respectfully, using your imagination to step outside of your everyday roles can be empowering and super-hot. You know you have a dominant streak or a submissive side—let it come out during sex by using role-play (and keeping it fun) as a way to bring excitement into your sex life.
You are still allowing yourself or your partner an orgasm—just at a time when you both agree will heighten pleasure and anticipation, rather than before or without any notice. You are in charge. They are willingly following. And yes, things may get rough, but mind games should never hurt anyone physically or emotionally; they need only threaten for them to work properly.
Boundaries & Limits Should Be Established Beforehand When Partaking In This Activity
Some people engage in activities such as restraint, bondage, or spanking for a sense of power over their partner; others just want to experiment with pushing their bodies past what they might typically experience while having sex. Therefore, it's essential to communicate in advance which activities cause your red light alarm bells to go off, and some people choose only those which don't push against those buttons.
Kink forced orgasm is a type of BDSM activity that can be pretty intimidating if you're not familiar with it. If there are specific actions or types of stimulation that bring you pain rather than pleasure, make sure to establish boundaries and limits beforehand. These activities are often described as edging because they involve bringing your partner closer and closer to orgasm without actually letting them reach climax. A tool like a vibrator can be used, but a lover's hands, tongue, or body will often suffice. This is all about trust, so make sure you have it before entering into a kink forced orgasm.
Remember, it is entirely up to you. Play safe, my friends!
Joannides, P. (2004). Guide to getting it on!: The Universe's coolest and most informative book about sex for adults of all ages. Goofy Foot Press.