Masturbation has gotten quite the stigma over the years, but it's one of the most common sexual acts that people engage in. We know that about 95% of men and 70% of women masturbate at some point in their lives, and only about 15% of males and 5% of females do it regularly (Castleman, 2009). However, some think that masturbation makes you an addict, especially since the sex addiction industry has exploded over the decades. But what constitutes a sex addict? Are they any different from other people?
Yes, you can be addicted to sex.
Masturbation isn't anything to be ashamed of, but even though it's a natural act practiced by all genders, masturbation addiction is taken seriously. But when these pleasurable feelings become obsessive and debilitating—becoming an addiction—that's when there are serious problems. Masturbating too much can have adverse effects on your sexual health and wellness (Zimmer & Imhoff, 2020). People who engage in solo sex can experience issues like:
- Erectile dysfunction
- Low libido
- Decreased arousal or desire for sex
- Pain during intercourse or penetration
- Loneliness or depression
So if you feel like you're having trouble stopping (or slowing down), talk to someone about it. It may not be easy, but being honest with yourself about your sexual habits will help you take control of them. And remember: If you're worried about what other people think about your masturbation habits, ask yourself if they matter more than your well-being.
No, masturbating does not make you a sex addict.
Masturbating is very common, and while it may be a great stress reliever, it does not make you a sex addict. Everyone masturbates—and everyone has their way of doing it. Both men and women masturbate for different reasons, but for many people, masturbation is about pleasure as much as it is about relief. Some people who masturbate regularly also use toys to enhance their experience and make masturbation even more pleasurable. Sexual wellness can come in many forms, but if you're only experiencing one or two at once (for example, loneliness), you are likely experiencing sexual dysfunction rather than addiction or disordered sexual behaviors because of your frequency of masturbating or use of toys during masturbation.
And there's nothing wrong with that! But, if you find yourself feeling guilty after masturbating or using a toy to help you achieve orgasm, talk to someone about what's going on. Your doctor might have some suggestions for addressing underlying issues leading to feelings of guilt and shame around masturbation. And remember: self-pleasure isn't bad! It's normal and healthy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Is there such a thing as too much masturbation?
Most of us tend to shy away from talking about masturbation as a natural way to release sexual tension or relieve stress. Masturbation is a healthy, enjoyable way to release sexual tension and relieve stress. But like anything else in life, if done excessively, it may have harmful side effects on your relationships, work, and even your overall health (Zimmer & Imhoff, 2020). However, there are some adverse effects associated with excessive masturbation, and here's how you can tell if you're masturbating too much.
- If you feel guilty after each session. If masturbation feels more like an obligation than something pleasurable, you're doing it too often.
- If sex with your partner feels routine and boring but self-pleasuring still gets you off, consider having an open conversation about what's missing in your relationship.
- Your partner finds out about your habit and becomes upset/jealous.
It's one thing to know that your partner enjoys self-masturbation but quite another when they start becoming defensive when confronted by their feelings of inadequacy or jealousy towards their partners' activities outside of sex together.
How do you know if your masturbating habits are normal?
The response to this question is subjective. Masturbating once in a while is completely normal. And depending on your situation, masturbating more than once in a while might also be customary for you. The key is to know how to masturbate correctly. Learning how to masturbate means knowing what things to do and what things to avoid so that you can make sure masturbation never becomes too much of a distraction in your life or causes adverse effects on other aspects of your life, such as your work or relationships.
If you're masturbating in moderation and doing it safely (i.e., not using any devices), there are no negative effects of masturbation at all. So, if you're wondering whether your masturbation habits are healthy, here are some questions to ask yourself: Am I masturbating frequently enough? Do I have an emotional connection with my partner(s)? Am I able to focus on other areas of my life besides sex? If you answered yes to these questions, then the chances are good that your masturbation habits aren't causing any problems for you.
How can I incorporate masturbation into my relationship?
Masturbation is an essential part of a healthy sex life, whether you're in a relationship or not. Though it may be awkward to talk about with your partner at first, talking about it—and doing it together—can help make mutual masturbation less uncomfortable and more satisfying. Mutual masturbation is any sexual activity where two or more people stimulate themselves to achieve sexual pleasure. When performed by partners, mutual masturbation can build intimacy and strengthen trust between them because they share something personal and private.
It also helps partners learn what their partner likes sexually and how to please them. If you want to try mutual masturbation:
- Start slowly.
- Start by touching yourself while your partner watches; then have them feel themselves while you watch; then masturbate each other simultaneously; then finally have intercourse (if that's what both of you want).
- Remember that when engaging in mutual masturbation, consent is crucial.
No one should feel pressured into doing anything they don't want to do sexually, including participating in mutual masturbation with their partner(s). Don't do it if you're uncomfortable with it for any reason—or if your partner is uncomfortable! You can always try again later when things are less tense.
So get started! Set aside some time alone and let your partner know you'd like to experiment with mutual masturbation. Then ask them to tell you exactly what they would like you to do. Do whatever makes your partner comfortable—there's no right way to perform mutual masturbation.
Don't forget: Consent is essential! Before trying any new sexual activity, agree on boundaries beforehand so neither of you feels pressured into doing anything either of you isn't ready for or doesn't want to do.
Play safe, my friends.
Reference
Castleman, M. (2009, March 30). How common is masturbation, really? Psychology Today. Retrieved April 25, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/how-common-is-masturbation-really
Zimmer, F., & Imhoff, R. (2020). Abstinence from masturbation and hypersexuality. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(4), 1333–1343. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01623-8
Laqueur, T. W. (2004). Solitary Sex: A cultural history of masturbation. Zone Books.