You might not have heard of praise kink before, but you've probably heard of kink—and it's even more likely that you've heard of BDSM and D/s relationships. Like its cousin kink, it contains elements from all of these concepts, but with one significant difference: whereas kink (and BDSM) tend to inflict pain on someone as a means of pleasure, praise kink focuses on the satisfaction you get from praising someone else.
Many people are excited to hear someone say, you're so hot, but what about hearing, you're my bitch? If you want to understand the praise kink and its true meaning, you need to know the basics of it and how it became such an essential part of today's BDSM community. Keep reading to find out more!
Introduction to Praising Kink
If you're not sure what praise kink is, then don't worry! You are far from alone. Praise kink phrases and praising words can be used to describe a type of bondage or humiliation play that involves describing another person in a manner they find pleasing, attractive, or even arousing. But, first, a praise kink consists in giving your partner compliments that are erotic in nature.
Over time, these kinds of praise kink phrases will begin to get them excited and more receptive to what is happening. For example, you might first tell your lover how turned you are by how they suck your cock--or eat that pussy. You might not realize that these praises encourage them more, leading to a phenomenal sexual experience. Over time though, these kinds of praise kink phrases would change as they go out of their way to please you more. Next thing you know, telling them how good they suck isn't enough...you want them to prove it!
The Psychology Behind Praise Kink
Psychology has long been a topic of interest for many, and as such, many psychologists have long sought to study what aspects of personality and mentality are to blame for our kinks. However, there has been much debate about whether or not kinks should be blamed on mental illness in recent years. To some extent, I'd argue that you can't really blame psychology when it comes to kinks—after all, sexual preferences are incredibly varied amongst people. For example, some people enjoy edging while others hate it; there's no way psychology can tell us why certain people like edging but not others.
In addition, a psychological disorder does not necessarily equate with having kinks—for example, being diagnosed with ADHD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) does not mean you must get turned on by dominance and submission scenes. The praise kink phrase psychology points towards your experience growing up: Psychology says that many fetishes come from how we were raised during childhood. If you had an overly religious upbringing or felt neglected by your parents, these things may have influenced how your sexuality developed later (Desai, 2017).
With that being said, praise kink isn't precisely a fetish per se, so if you like praise phrases, it probably just means you aren't afraid to give yourself over to someone else...not that it resulted from neglectful parenting or anything of that sort. Praise kink submissives enjoy surrendering their ego and giving themselves over entirely to their Dominant partner: Part of why praise phrases work so well in context is because they essentially let both parties know where they stand in terms of power play. By saying thank you, Sir/Ma'am, after every scene ends, anyone would understand who was dominant and who was submissive throughout each session.
Why Do People Enjoy Being Praised During Sex?
Human beings love compliments, especially from those whom we value. Compliments create feelings of happiness and satisfaction; as a result, many choose to express their praise through specific words that turn them on, known as praise kink phrases. When used in a sexual context, these expressions turn people on and make them lose control. To understand praise kinks better, you need to first understand what kinks are in general: One definition of kinks is sexual preferences that do not fall into mainstream norms or taste (2022).
Kink can also mean BDSM style bondage or sadomasochism play. The word 'kink' often has negative connotations, but that doesn't have to be true for everyone who chooses different sexual practices. As with anything else, finding your own kinks isn't about comparing yourself to others and being self-conscious about whether something is normal—it's about embracing yourself for who you are and expressing your sexuality openly with consenting partners. So, for example, if your kink is getting dirty talk during sex from an intimate partner (versus just reading erotica), then go ahead! There's nothing wrong with fulfilling your needs in whatever way you want...as long as both partners give consent and feel safe while exploring one another's fantasies.
Words Turn Us On and Make Us Lose Control
It seems counterintuitive, but being praised during sex can actually be a powerful aphrodisiac. For example, let's say that you're giving your partner oral sex. Instead of begging them to "please suck my clit," "I love when you suck on my clit; oh god, that feels so good," try instead of saying things like, "you look so sexy right now—that must feel amazing!" Instead, "I love how wet and hot you are right now." "You taste so good, etc." (keep going down on them). It sounds silly at first glance but trust me: your partner will LOVE hearing how hot they are from you!
They'll also appreciate hearing praise in other ways; don't forget that we all need some form of verbal validation, even during sex. Allow me to assist with a few examples of what you might say:
Keep in mind, though, that after orgasm, people tend to go into a slump—so be sure not to completely break character!
How Does One Act Out A Praise Kink Scene?
When you're acting out a praise kink scene, try these three phrases to get your dominant turned on: thank you, good girl, and please. People with a praise kink fetish find these particular words incredibly hot when they hear them from their partners. Try it! Remember, to enact a genuine scene of praise kink, you have to actually mean it—the words should come from your heart. It doesn't matter if you can get off in five minutes or ten; as long as both partners are respectful and having fun, that's all that matters.
There isn't a right way to roleplay and praise kink, which means there aren't any wrong ways either. The best thing about roleplaying is that no one gets hurt (unless you want them to), and everyone has consensual sex with an enthusiastic partner. If you're looking for ways to be more creative in bed, try something new! Roleplaying opens up so many new doors for couples who feel like they've exhausted every possible option at their disposal—it really is just another facet of BDSM, albeit one without those additional BDSM gear items. One small caveat: People with a praise kink say it helps if your voice changes slightly when delivering these phrases during specific scenarios.
How Do You Know You Have Praise Kink?
As with any kink, there are many ways to explore. It can be as simple as using a set of safe words (phrases or words you can use to signal that you're either approaching or have exceeded your comfort level) when engaging in sexual activity with your partner. While everyone might have slightly different safe word preferences, some phrases that work well for me include: "I'm getting close," or "I'm about to come," or even something like, "please don't stop," for those who aren't quite at their limit but want to keep pushing things forward. Remember, there's no wrong way to do praise kink.
Do what works best for you and your partner. Once you understand how these phrases work individually and incorporate them into your playtime repertoire, sometimes they take on new meanings that may surprise you!
Always play safe, my friends.
Desai, R. (2019, August 7). The Psychology of Sexual Kink. The Swaddle. Retrieved February 14, 2022, from https://theswaddle.com/what-is-kink-the-psychology-behind-sexual-behavior/
Dictionary.com. (2022). Kink definition & meaning. Dictionary.com. Retrieved February 14, 2022, from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/kink