Most people interested in the BDSM lifestyle are usually into dominance and submission in some form or another. While not all BDSM relationships are about power exchange, even those that aren't still often incorporate those aspects of sex and kink. If you're interested in the BDSM submissive lifestyle, as am I, here are some things that I had to consider while exploring the BDSM submissive lifestyle further.
Different types of dominants
The difference between a dom and a domme. Dominants come in many shapes and sizes, so there's no single answer for what a dominant should be like. But there are a few types of dominants that may give you some ideas about what to expect from a dominant partner. For many people, their dream sexual scenario is finding a Dom who matches them perfectly. They have similar desires and kinks—and they're compatible on a deeper level. But in reality, it's rare to find that kind of perfect match. Instead, most people will have to settle for being with someone who has some aspects of what they want but not everything. So how do you know if you and your partner are compatible enough to be in a D/s relationship?
Different types of submissive
What is a submissive? It's actually a pretty loaded question, with some people defining it by action and others defining it by personality. For example, when asked how I represent submissiveness, my partner didn't want to know about my bedroom setup; instead, they wanted to hear about my mental processes and thought patterns about being submissive in the relationship; I had to pause a moment before responding. Being a submissive or finding a submissive is not a simple task. There are many things to consider when choosing your next sexual partner, and you'll want to make sure that you're both on board with each other's kinks.
Setting boundaries
Before getting involved in a kink relationship, it's essential to set some boundaries and discuss them with your potential partner. Without clearly defined boundaries, it can be easy for one person to step over other limits. The rules, or contract as they are often called in Dom/sub relationships, must be discussed carefully between partners before kinky play begins. For example, in a kink relationship, one partner might be more dominant than the other. But just because someone is in charge in a scene or relationship doesn't mean they get to make all of their partner's decisions or that they can do whatever they want to their submissive. Safety--the use of safe words carries not only cessation of your partners' reached limits but also trust and significant responsibilities.
Obedience
There are a lot of things that go into being a submissive. Being obedient is not just one of them, but it's definitely something that goes into being a submissive. And to be a submissive, you must be obedient to your Dominant at all times or risk punishment for not doing so. Just as submissives show their submission can vary from person to person and couple to couple, obedience plays a vital role in any D/s relationship and relationship dynamics in general. Obedience to your master or mistress, obedience to yourself and your own inner voice, and obedience to those around you. This concept of obedience might come as a surprise if you're new to BDSM. As with any relationship, there needs to be some structure in place--an understanding. An understanding of all the rules and limits.
What is a safe word?
A safe word is a word or short phrase that, when used during a sexual encounter, indicates to your partner that you are starting to feel uncomfortable with what's happening. Having a safe word allows you to express your limits and boundaries in a consensual setting without having to argue about them or put up with unwanted advances. The most important thing about establishing a safe word is that you would never usually say it during sex, so there will be no confusion if it gets used.
Maintaining your relationships
Still unclear whether you or your partner is submissive or dominant? Then perhaps taking a kink test (or BDSM test) will help you. The questions aren't overly complicated--but specific. Take your time and go through each question carefully. There are 50 questions, and they can give you and your partner some insight into whether you both have similar styles of sexual preferences. It's nothing more than an exercise in honesty. When considering the conversation with your partner, it would also help to list every kinky activity you think might be associated with BDSM. Eliminate misconceptions. Remember, it is essential to understand what you both desire and expect in this most intimate and trusting of partnerships.
Last word
A disclaimer: the KINK test (or BDSM test) is not an accurate indicator of whether you’re a potential submissive--or Dom, for that matter. Try the tests for fun. However, what you want is more important than what any of the tests may predict. It is important for both involved in BDSM to establish an honest conversation, trusting practice. Get comfortable. Go slow. Establish a routine of introducing more and more kink into your sex life. Or if you prefer to go all-in and full-throttle into leather right away. That works, too!