When people think of kinks, they often think of things like spanking, cuckolding, and foot fetishes — but did you know that degradation kink exists? For the unfamiliar, degradation kink refers to the fetish practice of sexual degradation, wherein the parties involved derive sexual pleasure from being degraded and humiliated during sex. Usually, degradation kink occurs in the context of BDSM relationships, but not always--it can even occur in vanilla relationships as well.
The Idea Behind Degrading Kink
When we talk about degrading kink or sexual degradation, most of us think of things like spanking, slapping, corporal punishment, verbal abuse, or calling someone names. But, at its root, there's nothing necessarily violent or insulting about any of those things--when it comes to humiliation for pleasure. What degradation kink really means is more about stripping a person bare – literally removing all power and control over their own body – to expose them and put them on display for their partner(s) to use as they wish.
It can be humiliating, but if you're into that sort of thing, then it can also be one hell of an intense turn-on. So how does sexual degradation work? How does a lot of BDSM play work? In short: trust. Both parties have to have absolute trust in each other that nothing outside agreed limits will happen. You need to be absolutely sure that your dominant or dom will not push you further than you want to go and stop if you say so (and vice versa). Both parties must agree on everything beforehand without reservation before any play begins.
Degrading Kink is a Type of BDSM
BDSM, as many of you may already know, stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. BDSM has a lot of other colloquial names like SM, power exchange, and kink play. It's also often part of a broader sexual-identity label like leathersex (also known as leather or kinky), but that's not necessary to engage in it. All you need is an interest in power dynamics between partners and some kind of sexual activity.
As people have become more open about what they like to do sexually, we've seen a growing acceptance of BDSM across all genders and orientations. However, if you look at a study by Durex condoms from 2008, 12% of men say they've used bondage equipment during sex at least once during their lifetime—compared with 33% of women who say they've had anal sex at least once in their life (2008). In addition, gay men are much more likely than straight men to say they've used domination techniques during sex; gay women were most likely out of all respondents to enjoy submission play. So being turned on by these kinds of activities doesn't always mean wanting them in real life—however, why would you not?
Types of People Into Degrading Kink
The most common kind of people into degrading kink are those with a dominant and submissive personality. But there are many other types of people into degrade kink, including anyone who enjoys sexual humiliation, gay males and females, transsexuals, and anyone who can easily be sexually humiliated. In addition, many people enjoy BDSM degradation that may not fall under any category but just enjoy it because they enjoy it. In fact, degradation kink doesn't discriminate against race, age, or gender, allowing more people to practice it if they want to.
Although, I found for some reason, women tend to dominate in BDSM groups, which is completely fine since it falls in line with their natural role in society. Women are often known for nurturing and caring for everyone around them, so domination fits them very well, even though being degraded by others must sometimes feel uncomfortable at first. Men don't have such an obligation, though, since historically, women have taken care of them; therefore, men often end up submitting themselves more than dominating others (as they well should).
As I have stated before, while many people do enjoy domination/submission play, make sure you both discuss how far you both want your partners to go during sex; because too much pain should never be enjoyed regardless of what your fetishes might consist of.
Sexual Degradation in Fantasy & Reality: Is There a Difference?
Having sexual intercourse is one of our most natural, beautiful, and intimate human experiences. And yet, that same intimacy can easily be manipulated for pleasure. Whether through emotional connection or physical acts, sex between two consenting adults can lead to some bizarre fetishes. Sexual degradation is a common kink that doesn't get nearly enough air time in mainstream culture—despite how common it might be in reality. Sure, there are plenty of things you can do to spruce up your sex life--and degradation sex could very well be one of them.
Some would argue that sexual fantasy is different from reality. Of course, what goes on behind closed doors doesn't always translate into real-life situations, but at its core, degradation sex revolves around a power imbalance during erotic play. That's the sensual appeal of BDSM. So let's do a brief exercise to show you the power in these words. Speak out loud, or whisper each word carefully:
In saying, how did each word make you feel? Which word aroused you, piqued an interest? Which one made you wet? Swell your member? Which one of these made you feel powerful? Secure?
Perhaps the one that aroused you most might be your particular specialty. A call to action.
Simply put, be honest about what gets you going, both emotionally and physically. You should ask yourself not only whether you want something done to, but also whether or not YOU want to do something as well.
How to Approach Your Partner About Degradation Kink
If you want to see if your partner might be into BDSM degradation kink, start talking about what turns you on and what kinds of things you'd like to try. Be honest about your desires, even if they sound bizarre or extreme. You never know—they might just surprise you with a confession of their own. If it turns out that you both want to try degrading sex play, there are still ways to bring it up with your partner so that they feel safe and secure while exploring their fantasies with you.
Make sure to discuss all elements of your planned scene before beginning. For example, set rules for how each person will behave toward one another, establish safe words for when either person needs the action to stop, and talk through any other boundaries or issues that may arise before starting.
Communicate openly throughout your sex sessions, asking is everything okay? Then, at regular intervals, let your partner know that you care about them enough to ask questions and listen attentively. With effective communication in place, check-ins during scenes can also allow partners to push limits together as they learn how far they can go in their play. But don't let these steps scare you! By following these tips, BDSM degradation kink can be an exciting new way to get closer with a trusted lover or deepen an existing relationship.
Play safe, my friends.
GBCHealth. (2008, December 1). The Face of Global Sex 2008 - The path to sexual confidence. Retrieved February 16, 2022, from http://archive.gbchealth.org/resources/2462/